_podcast-35-stone-woman-trapped-in-one-room-of-house-in-gillingham.jpg "Podcast: 35 stone woman trapped in one room of house in Gillingham from shave wake Video Screenshot Preview")
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⏲ Duration: 17:47
👁 View: 45K times
✓ Published: 02-May-2024
👁 View: 45K times
✓ Published: 02-May-2024
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<p>A Gillingham woman who has spent almost 20 years stuck in just one room of her home</a> has told the podcast she often wishes she went to sleep and didn't wake up.</p><p>Illa Smyth struggled with her mobility after skiing and horseriding accidents and now weighs 35 stone. She's paid tribute to her loving husband and she describes her quality of life.</p><p>Also in today's episode, a woman's facing life in prison after being found guilty of murdering a pub landlord</a> in Maidstone.</p><p>Stephanie Langley, 54 from Wilsons Lane in East Farleigh, stabbed her ex-brother-in-law Matthew Bryant to death at the Hare and Hounds last September.</p><p>Figures seen by KentOnline show 711 people crossed the Channel to Kent in 14 small boats yesterday</a>.</p><p>That's a record daily high this year and takes the total number of asylum seekers who've made the journey since last Friday to more than 1,600.</p><p>We get to vote for who we think should be Kent's Police and Crime Commissioner today.</p><p>There are three candidates going for the role with the result declared on Sunday.</p><p>Council elections are also happening</a> in Maidstone and Tunbridge Wells - while two local Neighbourhood Plan Referendums are taking place in Pluckley and Chatham.</p><p>An animal conservation centre near Ashford has announced a major new operation to save Lions from Ukraine.</p><p>The animals are currently living at a site near Kyiv</a>, but some of them have suffered from shellshock due to the bombings.</p><p>A man who's walking from Manchester to Ibiza has now raised more than £20,000 for a Kent charity.</p><p>Henry Moores has teamed up with nightclub owner Wayne Lineker</a>, and will travel a total of 2,400 kilometres on foot.</p><p>And in sport, Chatham Town</a> are through to the Isthmian League Premier Division play-off finals.</p><p>They beat Horsham on penalties in front of a sold-out stadium last night.</p>
<p>A Gillingham woman who has spent almost 20 years stuck in just one room of her home</a> has told the podcast she often wishes she went to sleep and didn't wake up.</p><p>Illa Smyth struggled with her mobility after skiing and horseriding accidents and now weighs 35 stone. She's paid tribute to her loving husband and she describes her quality of life.</p><p>Also in today's episode, a woman's facing life in prison after being found guilty of murdering a pub landlord</a> in Maidstone.</p><p>Stephanie Langley, 54 from Wilsons Lane in East Farleigh, stabbed her ex-brother-in-law Matthew Bryant to death at the Hare and Hounds last September.</p><p>Figures seen by KentOnline show 711 people crossed the Channel to Kent in 14 small boats yesterday</a>.</p><p>That's a record daily high this year and takes the total number of asylum seekers who've made the journey since last Friday to more than 1,600.</p><p>We get to vote for who we think should be Kent's Police and Crime Commissioner today.</p><p>There are three candidates going for the role with the result declared on Sunday.</p><p>Council elections are also happening</a> in Maidstone and Tunbridge Wells - while two local Neighbourhood Plan Referendums are taking place in Pluckley and Chatham.</p><p>An animal conservation centre near Ashford has announced a major new operation to save Lions from Ukraine.</p><p>The animals are currently living at a site near Kyiv</a>, but some of them have suffered from shellshock due to the bombings.</p><p>A man who's walking from Manchester to Ibiza has now raised more than £20,000 for a Kent charity.</p><p>Henry Moores has teamed up with nightclub owner Wayne Lineker</a>, and will travel a total of 2,400 kilometres on foot.</p><p>And in sport, Chatham Town</a> are through to the Isthmian League Premier Division play-off finals.</p><p>They beat Horsham on penalties in front of a sold-out stadium last night.</p>
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_92.webp "A married man says he became “obsessed” with another woman after meeting her at a course - but his wife has since forgiven him after realising it “wasn’t his fault”.<br/><br/>Ruth Perl, 58, and her husband David, 64, have spent 13 years recovering from the incident.<br/><br/>David never acted on his feelings towards the person he fancied - but he chose to tell the woman after confiding in Ruth.<br/><br/>He started researching an emotional experience known as ‘limerence’ - which means intrusive, romantic thoughts about another person. <br/><br/>David realised his feelings were unwanted - he had no control over them and wasn't interested in beginning an affair with the woman. <br/><br/>After telling Ruth about his realisation, the couple spent time rebuilding their relationship - and say they’re happier than ever.<br/><br/>David, a couples’ therapist from St. Albans, Herts., said: “It wasn’t a normal crush, it was weird and disturbing - but we’ve put in the years to heal ourselves since.<br/><br/>“It was a difficult one - I did end up telling the other person, as I was encouraged to do so through therapy.<br/><br/>“I think she was horrified - in hindsight, it was really unfair to put that on her.<br/><br/>“But it’s all about forgiveness, we’ve done the work and are happier than ever.”<br/><br/>David met the woman he developed feelings for on January 14, 2011 - after chatting to her at a training course.<br/><br/>Their conversation lasted less than 20 minutes, but David could feel he was “besotted” by her - without being able to put a finger on why.<br/><br/>“I’ve had crushes before,” he added. “We both have. But nothing like this - this was really unusual.”<br/><br/>David thought about her, night-and-day, for weeks.<br/><br/>He looked online at forums about “obsessive love” - and came across a post about limerence.<br/><br/>He said: “I thought, 'jeez, this is what I’ve got to a T.'<br/><br/>“Something’s not right - I was absolutely obsessed and I only spoke to her for 20 minutes.<br/><br/>“I kept going over every single word she said to me, every little action.<br/><br/>“The moment I’d wake up, I’d rehearse in my head what I might say to her if she came up to talk to me.<br/><br/>“I’d experience soaring highs if she replied to an email - and extreme lows if she didn’t.<br/><br/>“It was like an intermittent reward.”<br/><br/>Knowing the feeling wasn’t going to go away any time soon, he decided to tell Ruth - who also works as a couples’ therapist.<br/><br/>She said: “David told me, and this was all going on about five days after my dad’s funeral.<br/><br/>“I was in horrific grief at the time, and so my first thoughts were: ‘Oh, for god’s sake. How can you be so bloody stupid?’<br/><br/>“My dad had just died, and my husband wanted to p*ss off into fantasy land.<br/><br/>“We went into freefall, and it was a very, very difficult 12 months.”<br/><br/>After choosing to concentrate on grieving for her dad for a year, Ruth says she “finally had the brain capacity” to sit down with David, and ask him what was going on.<br/><br/>He hadn’t acted on his feelings - and actively decided he wouldn’t “consummate” the crush.<br/><br/>“David reached out to me,” Ruth said. “He asked me, ‘please help me understand what’s going on.’<br/><br/>“He was so confused. I asked him if he still wanted to be married, and he said, ‘I don’t want to throw away what we’ve got.’<br/><br/>“I told him to sit in the confusion, and I’d do what I could to support him.<br/><br/>“But I knew that what will be will be, we might not necessarily make it out of this.”<br/><br/>David said: “We started having marriage counselling - and one thing I want to stress is it isn’t an excuse to cheat.<br/><br/>“I was responsible for what I did - but it did make me realise that often, people don’t set out to have an affair.”<br/><br/>David explored some of the ways therapists encourage people to “heal” from limerence - including starving themselves from contact, or consummating it with the other person.<br/><br/>He settled on going to therapy, and letting the woman know he couldn’t speak to her anymore.<br/><br/>Now, David and Ruth help other couples going through the same thing - and have taught their children, Hannah-Mai, 32, and Isobel, 29, how to value their own relationships.<br/><br/>Ruth said: “It was important our two daughters knew about all this.<br/><br/>“They were older teenagers when this was all going on, and they understood it.<br/><br/>“We thought it was very important for them to understand that all marriages have differences - but you don’t throw the towel in when the going gets tough.<br/><br/>“Even when you’re talking about a full-blown physical affair. Once is a mistake, twice is a habit.”")
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