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A married man says he became ā€œobsessedā€ with another woman after meeting her at a course - but his wife has since forgiven him after realising it ā€œwasnā€™t his faultā€.<br/><br/>Ruth Perl, 58, and her husband David, 64, have spent 13 years recovering from the incident.<br/><br/>David never acted on his feelings towards the person he fancied - but he chose to tell the woman after confiding in Ruth.<br/><br/>He started researching an emotional experience known as ā€˜limerenceā€™ - which means intrusive, romantic thoughts about another person. <br/><br/>David realised his feelings were unwanted - he had no control over them and wasn't interested in beginning an affair with the woman. <br/><br/>After telling Ruth about his realisation, the couple spent time rebuilding their relationship - and say theyā€™re happier than ever.<br/><br/>David, a couplesā€™ therapist from St. Albans, Herts., said: ā€œIt wasnā€™t a normal crush, it was weird and disturbing - but weā€™ve put in the years to heal ourselves since.<br/><br/>ā€œIt was a difficult one - I did end up telling the other person, as I was encouraged to do so through therapy.<br/><br/>ā€œI think she was horrified - in hindsight, it was really unfair to put that on her.<br/><br/>ā€œBut itā€™s all about forgiveness, weā€™ve done the work and are happier than ever.ā€<br/><br/>David met the woman he developed feelings for on January 14, 2011 - after chatting to her at a training course.<br/><br/>Their conversation lasted less than 20 minutes, but David could feel he was ā€œbesottedā€ by her - without being able to put a finger on why.<br/><br/>ā€œIā€™ve had crushes before,ā€ he added. ā€œWe both have. But nothing like this - this was really unusual.ā€<br/><br/>David thought about her, night-and-day, for weeks.<br/><br/>He looked online at forums about ā€œobsessive loveā€ - and came across a post about limerence.<br/><br/>He said: ā€œI thought, 'jeez, this is what Iā€™ve got to a T.'<br/><br/>ā€œSomethingā€™s not right - I was absolutely obsessed and I only spoke to her for 20 minutes.<br/><br/>ā€œI kept going over every single word she said to me, every little action.<br/><br/>ā€œThe moment Iā€™d wake up, Iā€™d rehearse in my head what I might say to her if she came up to talk to me.<br/><br/>ā€œIā€™d experience soaring highs if she replied to an email - and extreme lows if she didnā€™t.<br/><br/>ā€œIt was like an intermittent reward.ā€<br/><br/>Knowing the feeling wasnā€™t going to go away any time soon, he decided to tell Ruth - who also works as a couplesā€™ therapist.<br/><br/>She said: ā€œDavid told me, and this was all going on about five days after my dadā€™s funeral.<br/><br/>ā€œI was in horrific grief at the time, and so my first thoughts were: ā€˜Oh, for godā€™s sake. How can you be so bloody stupid?ā€™<br/><br/>ā€œMy dad had just died, and my husband wanted to p*ss off into fantasy land.<br/><br/>ā€œWe went into freefall, and it was a very, very difficult 12 months.ā€<br/><br/>After choosing to concentrate on grieving for her dad for a year, Ruth says she ā€œfinally had the brain capacityā€ to sit down with David, and ask him what was going on.<br/><br/>He hadnā€™t acted on his feelings - and actively decided he wouldnā€™t ā€œconsummateā€ the crush.<br/><br/>ā€œDavid reached out to me,ā€ Ruth said. ā€œHe asked me, ā€˜please help me understand whatā€™s going on.ā€™<br/><br/>ā€œHe was so confused. I asked him if he still wanted to be married, and he said, ā€˜I donā€™t want to throw away what weā€™ve got.ā€™<br/><br/>ā€œI told him to sit in the confusion, and Iā€™d do what I could to support him.<br/><br/>ā€œBut I knew that what will be will be, we might not necessarily make it out of this.ā€<br/><br/>David said: ā€œWe started having marriage counselling - and one thing I want to stress is it isnā€™t an excuse to cheat.<br/><br/>ā€œI was responsible for what I did - but it did make me realise that often, people donā€™t set out to have an affair.ā€<br/><br/>David explored some of the ways therapists encourage people to ā€œhealā€ from limerence - including starving themselves from contact, or consummating it with the other person.<br/><br/>He settled on going to therapy, and letting the woman know he couldnā€™t speak to her anymore.<br/><br/>Now, David and Ruth help other couples going through the same thing - and have taught their children, Hannah-Mai, 32, and Isobel, 29, how to value their own relationships.<br/><br/>Ruth said: ā€œIt was important our two daughters knew about all this.<br/><br/>ā€œThey were older teenagers when this was all going on, and they understood it.<br/><br/>ā€œWe thought it was very important for them to understand that all marriages have differences - but you donā€™t throw the towel in when the going gets tough.<br/><br/>ā€œEven when youā€™re talking about a full-blown physical affair. Once is a mistake, twice is a habit.ā€
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